February 2012
25 posts
questions
Things were going so perfectly well. Not to say that they aren't still good as it is, however now a little crack has been left in my mental fortress regarding ourselves. I was perfectly content watching the King's Speech and embracing my inner history nerd, then he brings up something unimportant about next semester and I ask if he knows who he'll room with in the fall. 'I don't even know if I'll be here in the fall, so I'm not going to worry about it.' he says. 'Let's talk about something else.' Ummm, WHAT?! How am I supposed to just change gears after that bomb of a sentence was dropped? I managed to move on, but it's been ringing in my ears ever since he said it. He's from MD and all so it wouldn't be impossible to keep this working, it would just be difficult. What scared me the most, though, is how much of a challenge it was to just imagine being here and in this same routine, but without him in it. I really hope he was just referring to his need to keep up his scholarship in order to stay, which most of us are facing as well. I'll tell myself that's what it was, because I really don't want to think about any other option.
beautiful days
I miss Spring. and Summer. and Fall. Basically every season except for winter. Today was absolutely gorgeous, I couldn't possibly sit inside on a day like today. I felt like I should run, since I used to basically every day last year (and also because I still haven't worked off those christmas cookies yet, shhhhh) and I missed it. Of course it doesn't compare to running on the boardwalk in the offseason, however downtown Westminster will do for now. There's absolutely no way I can go most days like I used to, thought I think I can shoot for 2 days a week for the time being. I have more energy afterwards anyways, and I can always use more of that. I just can't wait til it's warm full time again and I can spend the day just being out in the sun with a book and not having anything else to worry about....eventually!
sigh
But luck will leave you cause it is a faithless friend
and in the end when life has got you down
you've got someone here that you can wrap your arms around
so hold on to me tight, hold on to me tonight
we are stronger here together
than we could ever be alone
so hold on to me, and don't ever let me go
...I've got faith in us, and I believe in you and me
Cause it's you and me together,
and baby all we've got is time.
^no wonder I'm the ten millionth woman to love michael buble...
simple things
College kids typically don't have money. It's a widely known fact, proven by the innumerable amount of ramen noodles we consume and actual meals we don't. Even so, this can be worked around for certain occasions. Last night, for example....as you read my day did not start out on the best note, but sometimes people have a way of doing simple things that turn a day around entirely, whether they realize it or not. Since both F and I have very busy schedules during the week, we were hardly able to see each other. We hung out on Valentine's night and exchanged our cheesy little presents for each other, but I've barely seen him since then. Our anniversary is tomorrow though, and while it's not anything monumental he wanted to do something nice this weekend to combine the two dates. All I was told was that I would need to wear something nice, and beyond that I was kept in the dark. Thus I was quite suprised when I saw that he set up dinner in his room at his desk turned into a table for two, with subs from subway and a brownie for each of us for dessert, a rose in the centerpiece and music in the background. I had to laugh a little bit at myself, the whole setup was adorable but it was a sight to behold in the crappy Rouzer dorm. I just about melted when the guy who adamantly refuses to dance asked me to dance with him....followed by a movie that fit both of our senses of humor, the night that followed a blue morning with subway and a brownie was perfect. Gotta love the simple things....
mandarinoranges asked: Your dreams break my heart sometimes. I just want to hug you forever.
in your dreams
I haven't had a dream about you in such a long time. One where you seemed like you were actually there, a really real dream. You showed up basically out of nowhere, but no one was suprised. It seemed fairly normal to everyone that you'd come around, no flaws in logic there. I didn't worry about it though, because you were here and you actually looked like yourself, and you looked healthy. I don't know if I've ever had one of those before. Somewhere in the back of my mind thoughts were flowing, carrying things like five years, heart attack, not possible, along with them - but I didn't listen. We went to a football game, which we had done before, and I had plans to tell you all about everything. Like college, what I want to do with myself, how I'd been to China last month and seen a bunch of cool stuff there, and about all the people I've met since having moved down here. But then it started raining and we decided to leave, though we somehow did this without speaking. While walking back home where I was assuming we'd get to have said conversation, we came across a staircase - kinda like a wooden bridge with stairs up one side and down the other. I could only see the up part, I didn't know where it came down. We started walking up the stairs, but due to the rain I kept slipping and falling back down. You kept going though, and didn't hear me when I called to you to wait. You kept going on up the stairs....and then I woke up. See you next time you pop into my dreams.
“‘here’s to you free souls, firefly chasers….tree climbers,...”
sugar sugar, awwww honey honey
As fun as it was exchanging Valentines yesterday, I now have in my system more sugar than a sticky bun. And there's still a chocolate bar, 5 hershey's bite size thingies, a jar of jelly beans and a bag of tootsie rolls in my room. I have accepted the fact that I won't be frequenting the dining hall for at least a week now. However, that didn't stop me from having a great day even though I'll need to do something to get my pants to fit again.... but despite all the talk about Valentine's day being just a commercial setup and blah blah, at the roots when it's kept a simple holiday as it should be, it's a great thing.
back in the good ole days
Remember back in elementary school when everyone made valentines for everyone else, and at the end of they day you had a bag full of candy and cute cards from everyone? I miss that. I was having so much fun today making cheesy valentines for my little circle of friends here that it made me wish I got to bring a whole bunch to my ed psych class tomorrow. Even putting together my gift for F which was largely homemade (college budget and thoughtfulness points for creativity, WHAT NOW) I was really enjoying being able to do something small for someone that I thought would still brighten their day to some degree.I think that if the focus of Valentine's Day would shift do just doing some little small thing for the people you love as opposed to commercially going all out lavish for one person, more people would enjoy the day - hell, maybe even appreciate it. Maybe it's just me, but I'm feeling like an eight year old who's all antsy to give out their valentines tomorrow....I might even be wearing something red, maybe even something with hearts (crazy, I know). Happy Valentine's Day everyone, enjoy your day!
in the summertime, when the weather is fine
While sitting in bed yesterday eating more chocolates than I'd care to admit, I found myself missing summer. I don't think it was exactly on the same level as homesickness, because things are going very well down here at the moment. I miss people from home, of course, but they're all a phone call or text away. I think it might be coming from a lack of solitary time - I have one official roommate, but I basically live with a group of 5. I love them all, but at least one other person is present at any time. I guess I just miss being able to ride down to Bay Head beach and hang out for a while at the end of the afternoon when everyone's gone home, or sit on the bow of my grandfather's boat to watch sunset. I suppose it means that my relationships here serve the dual purpose of both being great friends in this part of my life, but also reminding me how much I love where I came from as well.
a thank-you note to technology
So, I just spent a solid 15 minutes coming up with a way to relate what has been on my mind recently in a way that doesn't explicitly state subject matter, yet still puts my thoughts out there in a preferably creative and hopefully nicely worded manner. Then I hit enter, and it all went away (insert frowny face here). Alright technology gods, clearly you're not all on my side today; I see how it is. Thus, in a nutshell: sometimes you have to bite the bullet and put something out there that you've been avoiding, in hopes that whomever is on the recieving end will accept it as a part of who you are and allow things to move forward from there. If they don't, waste no more of your time. However, if they do - it's beautiful.
“story of my life:
Dear Reader,
Please do me right now. On the kitchen table....”
Want, and Choreography
On an abstract note for the sake of keeping things simple, I have never been able to feel someone want something so much as I experienced yesterday. I feel that such a realization should be observed, but not in the form of marking it down on a calendar (how would one do that, anyway?) or leaving myself a post-it, as much as I love the stickums. So, I’ve decided it goes out to tumblr - though...
“‘Now I can understand why Jews and Muslims have nine hundred words for...”
I'm not a teacher, babe, but I can teach you...
Last night, the Dance Co here opened the show for the Vagina Monologues, which has been an annual performance for the last few years here. I had never been before, I just knew that it was a female empowerment show (basically GO VAG sums it up pretty well) and that proceeds go to various rape crisis foundations and the like. The song we dance to is very feminine-empowering which fit perfectly...
thank goodness for lazy afternoons
The world is most definitely coming to an end - I don’t have homework to do right now. Somehow my ed psych professor must have been running a high fever this morning, because it’s my only class of the day after tutoring and she didn’t assign anything. I tried taking a nap, but that didn’t happen. My mind was far too awake to sleep. I even went on a caffiene run with my...
Smile, damnit!
I feel like more people need to engage themselves in the little things - like smiling, or saying please and thank you while actually meaning it, or giving someone little compliments just for the sake of letting someone know that you like their shoes, or that shirt looks nice today. It makes a difference, and when people are happier even in little ways it makes the acquaintance so much more...
January 2012
14 posts
“For where all love is, the speaking is unnecessary. It is all. It is undying....”
– from one of my favorite books (if not the favorite)…
old habits die hard
Today, I had an odd encounter - an old ‘aquaintance,’ whom I haven’t exactly been dying to run into, decided to join me at lunch out of the blue. I haven’t spoken to this person in a solid 4 months, so why he’d suddenly decide to chat with me I have no idea. After a minute or so of painfully awkward and half-hearted small talk, he dove right into the deep end of the...
Wrinkles (the poem)
by Sarah!
When I was five years old, I looked at a man with wrinkled skin and covered my eyes, not knowing then that the wrinkles are the trophies of the years he’s been alive.
I tasted death the first time I saw a leaf fall from her branch and I laughed as I jumped and crushed on her shades of red.
To think about dying is to already be half dead, so here’s to being alive,...
mandarinoranges asked: can you post the poem itself? i really want to read it. also, i like this system a lot a lot. i like being able to read about things in your life as they happen instead of playing catch up later on. this might be friendship cheating but really, i don't mind; i like it quite a lot.
wrinkles
This morning, I read a poem written by a friend entitled Wrinkles. The poem opens with the lines “I see an old man with wrinkled skin, like trophies from the battles he’s fought in his life.” She then went on to elaborate on the point that age is merely a number, and thus there’s no point in waking up in the morning feeling anything but young, because what fun would it be...
the latest song we’ve been using in dance...
i ain't got nothin' but love babe, eight days a...
Today I realized that Wednesdays are actually quite a pivotal time of the week. Speaking for myself, I feel that they’ve been overlooked in the past, lost in the weekly sauce between weekends. Mondays are the sparkplug for the week that generally gives you an idea of how the ball will be rolling for the next 5 days, Tuesdays typically bring the droning lull of ‘dear lord how many more...
tuesday shmoosday
I have survived the first round of classes! I was very happy/relieved to get my educational psych class underway today…I’ve been set on teaching for about 3 years now, and it felt like some sort of an accomplishment to finally get working on it and know that within the next few months I’ll be making legitimate progress. Call me a nerd (I already know I am, so no hard feelings...
“me: ‘do you know what happened with katy perry and russell brand?’...”
red flags
gooood morning tumblr world! So, today is the first day of spring semester….the first day of ‘welcome to college, you’re not a little baby freshman anymore’ semester. I’m not too concerned, 3 classes today and one tomorrow isn’t that bad. I’ll have to work my ass off from now til may, of course, but that’s expected. I’m more worried (or...
conquering unbloggability
Hello blogging world…let me just start by saying that for quite some time I have been composed of a pointedly unbloggable personality. I’m not typically one to take to the keys when I get a sudden creative urge or need to express something or let something out. If it’s some sort of dire circumstance I’ll write, or maybe go to the gym (hah….maybe…it’s not a...